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It's So Amazing Here

Cause there's beauty in the breakdown.

6/23/05 12:17 am - Do you miss me Miss Misery, Like you say you do?

heh, it suddenly hit me today... how much I'm going to miss my family and friends o.o I will still be on the internet every once in a while perhaps.
8 weeks really isn't so long right? I guess I'm just not used to it.
It's only a couple days away though.

In the eloquently beautiful words of my dear brother *ahem*,
"I'm going to miss your annoying voice!"

and so, I'm going to miss his annoying voice too! *tear*

so, before I go, I figured I might as well put this in here as well ~.^
:

1. Reply and I'll write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I will tell you my favorite memory of you.
5. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. Then post this in your own journal...

AH so overwhelmed with things to do. I'm on my 6th book for summer reading! must finish these last two before saturday, and packpackpackpack!

it makes me sad, i've basically been locked away in my room reading and reading these last couple of days, yet i really should be spending time with my family and friends before I leave! *sigh*

6/16/05 08:37 pm - TA-KUN!

ta-kun finally came back to me this morning!!! *happy squeal* It's been...*months*! ^_^

in case you didn't know, ta-kun is a cat that sometimes wanders around the neighborhood, and I decided to steal it...(yeah, I'm an flcl addict =p...sad, I know)

ANYWAY, since I hadn't seen it in so long and I don't know when I'll be able to see it again, I decided to take pictures for the memories! I mean, ta-kun's been my adopted cat for more than a year, and I love it as if it were my own. XD

*sigh* Ta-kun is the most loving cat you'll ever meet...which is unfortunate for my mom who was also outside when it ran up to us. How can she dislike ta-kun??? ;_;

oh well, picture time!

pictures!Collapse )

6/15/05 11:31 pm - But I miss you most of all, my darling...

Well, the ACT seemed to go better than it did last time for me. Hopefully I improved a couple of points. I actually *got* to all of the questions in the science section so that made me rather happy. Now, whether or not I got those questions right? well that's a whole different matter.

hmm Madagascar is a very cute movie =)
I quite enjoyed seeing it with you, Anna...and then of course, 'twas great wandering around the mall afterwards. Thank you for waiting with me, I hope I didn't make you late!
Maybe this weekend we can see another movie.

hmm I suppose there is not much to say. I had senior portraits yesterday. My family has known the photographer for a long time =) He's a very nice person. Tomorrow, he'll be taking a few outside photos near the Victoria, and then afterwards, I'll get to see the pictures he took yesterday. ^^


I'm very worried because next weekend my parents and brother are leaving my grandparents home alone for several days to see me off when I go to Mass. My grandfather's memory has really deteriorated, and we're going to try to take precautions to ensure they are both okay, but we can't prevent everything. For one, I think we should definitely remove a certain chair from the house...*sigh* almost every day he tries to sit down in it, and I have to yell at him. What would happen if he ended up on the floor again and only my grandmother was there to help him? Even *I* couldn't do much about it when I was there ;_;...And they are always leaving the phone off the hook, so when we call them the line is busy. Maybe we can leave one of our cell phones plugged in by their bed so we can use that to reach them in case. And the TV...the cable box confuses them constantly and we have to fix it from them. Maybe we can take out the cable box?? sure there will be less channels, but atleast it will be harder to mess it up. Well, there are just too many things that could happen. We'll have to find some close friends to use as contacts in case of an emergency.

hrm...My entire family (even some of my exteneded family) has been obsessing over something lately...that, well....I know they are right about, but for some reason, I don't feel right supporting it. I can't help but feel the whole situation is partially my fault, but all of them are so certain that it was caused by something else. They are so ready to fight for me, and yet, I'm a little bit against it? ahh, I don't even understand why I'm against it. The whole thing is just...I don't know, I feel sick just thinking about it. =_=
I could have done more to prevent it, but I didn't. *sigh*
and it's the only thing they've talked about for about two weeks. I know it's a big deal, but..
oh well, we will just have to see what comes out of it. I hope they are right and that I'm wrong to feel this way.

...

WOW...that was REALLY vague. But I'm not at liberty to discuss it in more detail =x lol

I'm off to work on summer reading some more! I need to read 5 books in the next week and a half. No more procrastinating for me! I've only read 2 so far ^^;

6/9/05 07:24 pm - "And I thought, be still my heart"

I'M IN LOVE!!!

and it's not what you think, heh.

*ahem*

I found the most amazing website, Virtual Sheet Music. All of the sheet music I could possibly want (classical) and for such a good price (like $35 a year, and you can download as much as you want) o.O...so I stole my dad's credit card and became a member! ^_^

I found the sheet music to Ballade in G Minor, by Chopin. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SONG. *shivers* It's the only song I can think of that makes me cry and laugh, and takes my breath away every time I listen to it. Martin Kasik!!! his version is the only one that does that to me. I don't know why, there's just something about his playing that, that...*sigh*
so I forced my parents to listen to it (and uh it's a rather long song). I don't think they quite appreciated it as much as I did...by minute 4 they were asking when it would end, and I guess it's understandable. But I'm not bored even for a second whenever I listen to that song. You should listen to the midi! It doesn't have the same effect as listening to Kasik play it...but nonetheless, here it is: http://www.virtualsheetmusic.com/MIDI/Chopin/Ballades1/01Ballade_Op!23_in_G_minor.mid
hmm so the sheet music to it is 15 pages long and it's just about impossible to play, but my teacher said she would help me tackle it, even if it takes a couple of years o.O lol.
I've decided my goal in life is to be able to play that song all the way through.
well...ok ONE of my goals in life.

WOW I can't believe how happy this has made me.
Ridiculously happy.

hmm so what else has been going on...been preparing for the ACT (yay I can't wait until Saturday, Anna!!!). ugh I *really* need to bring up my science score. it KILLED me last time. And for someone who wants to major in something science related, I need to be good at that kind of stuff o.O

I went to NHC two times this week. Monday, I played keyboard in the 600 hall, and I ended up sightreading out of a popular songs book (and i'm really awful at sightreading) and then out of a hymnal. A man came to my side and started singing some of the hymns. I was a little bit embarassed because he expected me to know alot of the songs and I didn't. His throat was hurting so he kept on apologizing because "his voice wasn't like it used to be", and of course he should not have apologized at all! He really sounded quite good.
After I finished playing, he told me about the church he used to go to and how beautiful it was. The conversation eventually took a very bad turn. he began: "But now I can't go to my church anymore. My children dumped me here and forgot about me. I hope that, if you ever have children, they never treat you like this. This place is worse than a prison. I can't get out to do anything. And I lost my wife about two weeks ago..."
By that point, I felt awful for him and I wasn't quite sure what to say. So I told him I was sorry and that I would come as often as possible and we would sing hymns again.
*sigh* so that kind of depressed me.
Today when I went to NHC, we took several of the residents shopping at the mall, and I met the sweetest lady! I pushed her wheelchair around JC Penny and Sears and we talked quite a bit. ^_^ I really enjoyed it, and I think she did too. At one point, she offered me 5 dollars and told me to buy something. I refused it and thanked her, but she looked so disappointed that I almost wish I had taken it ;_;

yep well that's enough rambling for now.

ciao

6/2/05 09:36 pm - New layout!

*points to subject*

I know it's nothing vunderful, but I was suddenly in a chobits mood.

so voila! Dark chii! ^_^


hmm so not much has been going on lately.

studying for the SAT

...please let this be the last time I have to take it.



Lovely weather lately.

^_^

makes me happy...


oh! and I can finally play triplets over eighth notes!!!! YAY =)

mmhmm I love me some Chopin.


ciao for now!

5/29/05 12:42 am - Llama Llama Duck

pepporocini pepper and feta cheeze pizza is the best ^_^

*ahem*

So last night was graduation. I was so glad that Mr. T was able to read the comments, instead of Mrs. Hurd. It's too bad he won't be able to for our class (and all classes after us). I was able to keep from crying during the ceremony, atleast...and I think the National Anthem and the Senior Song went very well. ^^

During the reception, I talked to many many people (and I met Caitlin's cute little cousin! <3)....and I completely forgot I was supposed to help with refreshments. *guilt*...So by the time I pushed through the crowd to help, the worst part was basically over. All I did was fill some punch glasses, set out cups, and clean up a little.

My mom brought spanakopite to the reception, and I was afraid that people would confuse it for baklava (because that's what it looks like at first glance, with the filo dough on top). People might have gotten a little surprise when they took a bite and realized it was spinach ^^;

I talked to Mr. T for a good while during the reception. And three hugs later, I couldn't help but cry. He is such an amazing person, and I'll really miss seeing him everyday in school. I'm still not sure if the given reason for him leaving his true, but in any case, I hope he is able to thoroughly enjoy his retirement with his bride. =)

hm, we're losing five teachers this year: Mr. T, Mr. Arrington, Mrs. Norton, Mr. Dunaway, and Mrs. Carr. I wonder how they can possibly be replaced? They really can't be.

Congratulations to all of the seniors! You all are amazingly talented and wonderful people. You'll be missed so much next year. All the best of luck to you ^^

5/25/05 10:46 pm

well...arguing with my mom was NOT a good plan. I thought maybe she would change her mind (hah, shows ya how stupid I am). I gave up after about 30 minutes actually, and just tried to forget about it. Well, for some reason my bro got involved and started defending me. He said some, um, not so good things? Yeah,I know he was trying to help me, but he unfortunately caused a whole bunch of other problems. So, we had a nice little conversation in the car... My brother had to go, so I sat in the car and listened to my mom yell and rant...and then she called my dad, and she was VERY upset. And it's no wonder really, there were really some unnecessary things that were said, and although I didn't say them, I did not come to her defense like I should have =/. So she starts telling my dad that she basically can't stand how we treat her anymore, and I felt horrible about it...It's really true what she says. I'm a selfish, inconsiderate child who makes bad judgements.
I mean, she does *everything* for me, and what do I do?

ok, I think that's enough brooding for now. I had a long convo with her on the way to my clarinet lesson, and I learned many things about her that I had never known. It's really fascinating, the things she's done in life that I didn't even know about. And now, she's pretty much forgiven me (amazingly enough). So this summer, there are several things that I would like to change about myself. ^_^ I'll have time to work on it.

and to Richard, Courtney, etc. I'm so sorry about this, I really am. I had no idea my plans would have to change so drastically and with such short notice. Hope you have fun at the con! (I know you will) =)

I need to stop losing sight of the most important things in life.

<3

5/25/05 11:43 am

These last couple of days have been horribly unproductive. It feels so strange. I have nothing to do. I am not running around to a million different places, worrying about studies, deadlines, etc. Sure, it's wonderful to relax and have fun...but it's going to drive me crazy. And it's only been what, about 5 days? All I've done is sit around the house, sleep, play Metal Gear, UT, talk on aim, watch tv, blah blah. It's awful! I NEED something to do! I mean besides starting summer reading and studying for the SAT *shudder*. Atleast this should be the last time I have to take the thing.

I really want to work at the restaurant, but my mom seems quite against the idea. I want to feel useful! o.o You know, I actually kind of enjoyed it when my parents were in Cozumel for a couple of days. I was taking care of myself and all I had to do, and taking care of my grandparents and brother. Sure, I still wasn't completely independent (what with all the questions and constant worries), and I didn't even do a good job at all. But I really felt like I was *DO*ing something. Yeah, I acted like I was mad at my brother when he refused to do anything and I was basically doing everything for him. But, truthfully, I enjoyed it. I felt needed (even though he could have done everything himself if he wanted to)...
I'll have another chance soon. 8 weeks alone, far from home. I'm a little bit nervous, but it's about time I got away from home, from my family, from people I know well, who I know care about me. Not because I don't want to be with them, but because I need to get out and see new places, and hopefully learn to be a little more social. The great thing is, over there, no one knows me. No one knows how I usually am; my image. I'm hoping to just be myself there. Hate me, love me, it doesn't matter. In any case, it should be a good experience, yes?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So this morning, my mom randomly walks into my room angry...and says, "you know, you ARE NOT going to that anime convention". *twitch* how can she just change her mind like this!??! I already told Richard that I was going to stay at the hotel saturday night. I can't just change that now! Couldn't she have told me NO sooner? Supposedly, 'tis because I don't know the people that are going well enough...
She was interrogating me about how much I knew about each one of them, and unfortunatley, I knew not very much at all.

*sigh* I was so excited about it...and now, there's basically no hope. what to do, what to do. How do I just change something like this, so last minute. (well, last couple of days anyway).

ugh...better talk to richard T_T

5/21/05 01:55 pm - Call Now for a Lifetime of Temporary Relief!

So, Friday was my last day of real school. It was awfully depressing, and yet I felt so relieved that this horribly stressful year is finally over.

Government class...we watched the end of Remember the Titans. So sad T_T and after it was over, Mr. T brought us together and talked to us. He told us how much he cares about us and how hard it is for him to retire. He started crying...It was almost too much to take. I can't believe he really won't be here next year. He won't make the speech at graduation for us...tell us everything he remembers about our time at Donoho. It was impossible to keep from crying while he spoke. He's such an amazing person...and I know I will still see him...but...It's just, hard to realize, that after more than 30 years, he is leaving. I walked by him in the hallway as he was taking down his posters...the walls looked so bare. I hugged him, and tried to walk away before I started crying again.

I've been practicing the song "I Will Remember You" with the seniors. It's so hard to believe that they won't be here next year.
It's going to be hard to play that song during graduation...

*sigh*

I was so happy that this year was finally coming to a close, because it was so stressful...but as I start thinking about it more and more, I really wish it wasn't ending.

5/16/05 04:07 pm - YATTA

well, I got through school today without passing out or having a mental breakdown, so I'm proud!!! ^_^

hehe this morning did not start off so wonderfully...with all of my *ahem* technology problems. It is now official that every computer in the school HATES me. but somehow, I finally got my english paper and resume printed out, with a few minor errors, but at least I had them. During French, I learned that AP french IV is just about impossible...but I still think I want to take it, even if I screw up and fail the exam, I atleast want to try. heh, It seems like everyone is trying to talk me out of it though.

so today during enrichment we had the music recital. I was so happy that my teacher and his wife were able to be there! I hope they know how much it means to me...The are such wonderful people, and my teacher (as I know I've said many times before) never ceases to amaze me. I was having slight reed problems today, but I still made it through my concertino (god, I love that song so much...it's beautiful), but I was afraid that I was boring everyone to death. it's a rather long song. hehe
Then Jordan and I played our duet ^_^ it seemed a wee bit rushed, but it went well! neither of us passed out, so that's a plus. We also listened to the choir ensemble (I LOVE that song, and their hats! hehe they sounded so good!) and then mr. harris tried to force some pianist to play something XD Somehow, I ended up playing my Chopin waltz at the end. *happysigh* I'm truly in love with that song...I hope I never forget how to play it. There's just something about it,...I feel so relaxed when I play it and I can just let it flow without worrying about the notes.
hmm I must steal Tristan's version (the real version) because it is oh so beautiful. <3

*anyway* To sum it up, everyone sounded wonderfully at the recital and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to it.

and of course, I really appreciated all of the nice comments I received...It makes all the difference in the world to hear such kind words. thank you so much. <3

hmm I'm rather tired and hungry at the moment (seeing as how I got 3 hours of sleep and didn't get to eat lunch today), so I think I'm going to go eat a sandwhich and take a nap.

yes...that sounds good.

ciao for now, mes amis!
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